A salty droplet trickles down his brow-
This urchin lives in some tropical land
Where effect of winter is ever low;
His weird frame lacks a tongue-
Hauling a soiled sack on his back,
Brown jaws volunteering an irksome song;
This tune wings in air travelling to some far away land
To land of fairies, land of emperors-
Will princess come to catch his dark dirty hand?
A familiar noise blew away my comatose self
Instilling consciousness by its recurring call
I never showed gratitude for its punctual help!
Reluctantly I rise up in the late morning-
Having consumed another chilly night of my life
I creep out of my warm quilt with a heart full of disgust;
I’ve to start acting like a photocopier,
Have to loop the same circuit again and again-
No notion of which turn is going to be the last.
In my land snowflakes don’t fall like shower
Even in mid January, ice-cold time of the year;
A monsoon land it is, we are inborn afraid of cold;
We take beer out of fear from early December-
A deep incarnation of western hold!
Oh this is my problem with this season
My eyes have got stuck with one another-
A real hazard for a late riser
I need the eye drop now for quick medication;
Problem is intensified; me a blind for the moment,
I can’t recall where I kept that last morning-
Is it in the bedside drawer or the study shelf?
I need it badly, but to whom should I ask for help?
Meanwhile I keep rubbing my eyes
With the restless right hand, wet even in winter-
My focus changes all of a sudden by someone’s
Unruly pressing of my doorbell like a stringless guitar-
I step out of my door with an authoritative walk
I wonder by gazing at the falling yellow leaves,
Bored monotony of cuckoo quavers my feet and
The ominous autumn in mid winter steals my talk-
Defoliating leaves spoils my furry gown,
Dusty breeze furrows my soft shaved cheeks,
I sweat under sun emitting fowl body odour
And my fair skin gets tanned brown-
I panic in sudden transmutation-
A heavy load bows me down to the soil,
My space seems to have changed-
A mirror showed me my vulgar orientation.
I keep crawling down 17, dream street
With a hungry heart to reach the Reality unleashed…
This urchin lives in some tropical land
Where effect of winter is ever low;
His weird frame lacks a tongue-
Hauling a soiled sack on his back,
Brown jaws volunteering an irksome song;
This tune wings in air travelling to some far away land
To land of fairies, land of emperors-
Will princess come to catch his dark dirty hand?
A familiar noise blew away my comatose self
Instilling consciousness by its recurring call
I never showed gratitude for its punctual help!
Reluctantly I rise up in the late morning-
Having consumed another chilly night of my life
I creep out of my warm quilt with a heart full of disgust;
I’ve to start acting like a photocopier,
Have to loop the same circuit again and again-
No notion of which turn is going to be the last.
In my land snowflakes don’t fall like shower
Even in mid January, ice-cold time of the year;
A monsoon land it is, we are inborn afraid of cold;
We take beer out of fear from early December-
A deep incarnation of western hold!
Oh this is my problem with this season
My eyes have got stuck with one another-
A real hazard for a late riser
I need the eye drop now for quick medication;
Problem is intensified; me a blind for the moment,
I can’t recall where I kept that last morning-
Is it in the bedside drawer or the study shelf?
I need it badly, but to whom should I ask for help?
Meanwhile I keep rubbing my eyes
With the restless right hand, wet even in winter-
My focus changes all of a sudden by someone’s
Unruly pressing of my doorbell like a stringless guitar-
I step out of my door with an authoritative walk
I wonder by gazing at the falling yellow leaves,
Bored monotony of cuckoo quavers my feet and
The ominous autumn in mid winter steals my talk-
Defoliating leaves spoils my furry gown,
Dusty breeze furrows my soft shaved cheeks,
I sweat under sun emitting fowl body odour
And my fair skin gets tanned brown-
I panic in sudden transmutation-
A heavy load bows me down to the soil,
My space seems to have changed-
A mirror showed me my vulgar orientation.
I keep crawling down 17, dream street
With a hungry heart to reach the Reality unleashed…
-littleWriter
6 comments:
hey bro.. whts up?? great to read ure wonderful poems again...
hmm let me show u the good points-
--u started off really well and if u haven't noticed, your 1st 3 lines are of 10 syllables each . I am sure it wasn't intentional but what came out is a piece of art and good job here..
the structure is okay , though in some places u cud have been crisper and compact ..
U have the expertise to carve a more delicate tune than what u have carved
ok now the 1st stanza promises a lot , but it can't hold on to the expectations in the 2nd stanza...
the 2nd stanza needs some attention as far as your compactness and intense aura is concerned nad seriously , u can do that if u are the same LW who wrote the Opus Chirstmas and Lunatic song... I believe readers wud tend to drift away once they start off wth th 2nd stnza..... The thots are awesome, but needs a bit attention ..
The 3rd one and the last one --- seems u are back and u ended it unbelievably well, if I go by ur 2nd stnza.. esp lines lke
wonder by gazing at the falling yellow leaves,
Bored monotony of cuckoo quavers my feet and
The ominous autumn in mid winter steals my talk-
Defoliating leaves spoils my furry gown,
Dusty breeze furrows my soft shaved cheeks,-------
these speaks of ur potentials and forte of a natural poet ... N this was missing in th 2nd one.....
Overall , it is good , if i neglect the middle part...
As a critic I give u not more than a 6.5/10 as a friend i give u 7.5/10....
Indrajit ghosal
lovely words...you have crafted the ostentations of the mind beautifully...wonderful lines!
Thank you all my friends for your valuable comments...
:-)
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Hey little writer!!
I'm loving your poems - they're so real and filled with real emotion.
Please on the 14th of April will you visit these websites?
www.limestonebyrhiannonmackay.page.tl
and
www.GirlWriter-OfMusicandother.
Thankyou
TGW x:)x
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